Hopefully I do better at keeping up with it than I have other blogs.
I plan on putting my heart and soul into this,
And honestly,
I don't care if anyone reads it or not.
This is for me,
Not anyone else.
A place to vent anything and everything.
Where I can spill it all,
And never really tell a soul.
So let's get started shall we?
Not to be the whiny teenage bitch,
But I have been feeling rather...
Down,
Lately.
See,
I'm staying with a close friend,
So close he is like a brother to me,
And his mom,
Who I actually call "Momma",
In Jersey for the summer.
They have a lot of stuff going on,
From an unstable household with a drunk,
To a mother and grandmom on the brink of passing away.
Then there are my own petty problems.
The 31st of May will be the 11 year anniversary of my father's death.
And I can't stop thinking about how if over a year ago I hadn't miscarried,
My little boy would have turned 1 on July 27th.
I can somewhat talk to them about this,
But I don't want to be a burden.
I am also dealing with the fact that a very close friend of mine,
My BEST friend in fact,
Is refusing to speak to me at this point in time.
But that's a story for another day.
In lighter news,
I got hired at Six Flags on the 8th.
My first day is on the 20th,
Even if it is only training. :)
Once I get started I will be able to help more here.
Helping Momma pay the rent the person we are staying with is asking of her.
I did buy her a Mother's Day card,
To thank her for everything she is doing for me, as well as everything she has done in the past.
Sometime's I feel like she has been here for me more than my biological mother...
I have also started to make some friends other than my "Brother".
But that doesn't seem to make him very happy at all.
It honestly seems to piss him off more than anything else sometimes.
He has told me has feelings for me,
But he acts so...
CHILDISH.
I can't stand the way he treats his parents,
And I told him as much.
I love him to death.
I always will.
Nut I can't date someone who still acts like a prepubescent fuck-tard,
Saying "Woe is me! I can't do anything but lay there and say mean things about my parents because I didn't get my way!"
Not to mention the fact that he still makes people ask him directly to do ANYTHING.
LITERALLY!
He won't even get off the couch for anything but food, drink, and cigarettes unless you ask him to,
And even then he has the nerve to ask "Why should I?"
These people put a roof over his head,
Are EXTREMELY tolerant of how much a trouble maker he is,
AND buy him cigarettes anytime he asks,
And he can't even help with the chores without throwing a hissy fit.
I understand grief,
But it has ALWAYS been like this,
Not just since Grandmom got sick...
I will be honest.
I used to act like that too,
What kid doesn't?
But I grew out of it.
I help out without anyone saying ANYTHING to me,
Just to be helpful!
And because of the way he is acting,
It is getting harder and harder for the person Momma is staying with to keep letting her stay here.
If I had known even half of the problems I have caused by coming here,
I would have stayed in North Carolina.
Truly.
Yet at the same time,
They need me here for moral support,
Because Momma and my Brother have no one,
NO ONE,
To truly rely on.
I guess I should just hope for the best and prepare for the worst at this point.
If you read through all of this, thank you.
I applaud your patience.
I applaud your understanding.
This is my outlet.
My place of peace.
Now I just need to remember to utilize it.
No comments:
Post a Comment